Something Awful has a great run down of what is going on in the Marvel universe these days:

Spider-Man: Mopey, aunt dying, might be single soon
Hulk: Angry, kicking ass, tore the roof off MSG
Luke Cage: Paranoid, acting suspicious, maybe baby-daddy to a Skrull
Iron Man: Smug, acting bossy, in charge of SHIELD
Thor: Somber, looking for buds, could have stopped Katrina
Captain America: Moldy, decomposing, dead

Some commonly asked questions:

Why’s everyone so mean to each other?
The Superhuman Registration Act made everyone choose sides, with those against working for the government siding with Cap and those for with Iron Man. Cap gave himself up, Spidey, Dr. Strange and a few others went underground, and Tony Stark is director of SHIELD. Cap got shot after his arrest, so he’s dead. Bucky swore revenge on Shell-head. Legit superheroes work for Uncle Sam now, but not in that shitty Gray/Palmiotti comic.

Why is Spider-Man whinier than normal?
Kingpin hired a sniper to kill him, now that his secret identity is public, and hit Aunt May instead. Her brain activity is as flat as a wheatcake, and Spidey may do something drastic to bring her back. We don’t know what yet, but since JMS is involved it will probably have Spidey going on a vision quest and meeting the Aztec god of spiders, who tells him to bring back the Sankara Stones and defeat the Six Sinister Spirits or some other mystical bullshit that doesn’t really fit.

I thought Wolverine, Spider-Woman and Dr. Strange would all be best buddies forever by now! Why can’t they trust each other?
Turns out there’s some Skrull-duggery afoot. One of them replaced Elektra, possibly after she died the first time, and now anyone with a weird continuity problem might be a Skrull agent in disguise. Hey, did we mention Hawkeye’s alive again and no one knows why? Word is the Skrull stuff will be the next big crossover event.

Is Captain America still dead?

The Hulk did what now?
Stark, Strange, Richards and Black Bolt tricked puny Banner into getting on a rocket that would send him to a nice, deserted planet. It missed, and Hulk ended up conquering an entire planet full of gladiators. Then the rocket exploded and killed Hulk’s alien wife and unborn alien baby. The rocket was only built for two things: taking the Hulk to one planet and not exploding, and it failed both. The Hulk took an entourage of alien monsters to NYC and began to fuck shit up. He’s still fucking shit up as of now. Surprisingly, Rage, Slapstick and Thor Girl have not been able to stop him.

How about now, still dead?

Why can’t superheroes get along with each other and beat up bad guys, like in these comics?
Those are Marvel Adventures comics, kid, get the fuck out of here.


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